Happy New Year’s Eve

Good morning and Happy Saturday December 31st

Today marks the last day of 2016. Are you ready for 2017? I have seen a lot of negative talk about how bad 2016 was and I myself at points felt the same. Despite that though, despite my health being crummy most of this year and with that having financial difficulties I have pushed myself to grow and see these difficulties as Teachers and Lessons. , to know We can always choose to be negative and feel down and depressed but we can also chose the exact opposite, the positive and possibilities of the unknown. My illness has taught me an amazing amount of compassion for myself and also patience. Most of all it has taught me to trust in the kindness  of strangers, in this case that being the Doctors and all those amazing people that have supported us with love, prayers and donations. I am forever grateful for the love that has been shown to us.

We can always see the negatives in life’s terrible times. This morning I read an article about the Dharmapala. The Dharmapala is a type of wrathful god in Buddhism. The name means “Dharma protector or defender” in Sanskrit.

I learned that according to myth, the Dharmapalas are angry creatures that would run into the Dharma—the principle of peace and mindfulness—and then all of their anger and misery would be transformed into the fierce protection of kindness.

They look pretty angry, and you can actually buy one and hang it on your wall for protection. They look like the kind of warrior that will definitely kick your a**. .

Basically, they serve as reminders for becoming present. If we are not present, bad things will happen. This is why accidents happen. This is why we fall into a spiral of “bad luck”—and it won’t really stop until we learn to stop and just breathe.

This illness (which I still don’t have answers to) has caused me to fight with myself daily, to ensure I see Love and remain trusting to the Universe for having my back. Of course, I’m not a saint, so there is days where I drop the ball. There is times where I don’t care to be happy and just want to wallow in self-pity for some time. Truth is though, what good does self-pity do me, when none of that hatred will serve me for my higher good? Those are the days when I pull out my journal and I vent out my anger at this illness and after writing line after line, and page after page, my thoughts turn back to the present and to  Love on their own it seems. I’ll have run out of steam and finally pull myself back together to believe that this will be over and sorted soon enough and that the Universe does have my back.

Being present and mindful is easier said than done most days, but with practice and just constant reminders to focus on the current moment, the feel of your skin, the water rushing through your hair, the sound of the fridge door slamming, the noise of the animals around you, the sounds of your home…. with practice you will be able to pull yourself back to being present and simply to your breath, allowing yourself to relax into the moment with love and compassion for yourself.


Lots of love ,



If you have not had a chance to read my story you can do so here on our GoFundMe page. All your thoughts and prayers are so greatly appreciated and if you could share my page on your social Media that would be amazing

Love & Support

“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~Lori Deschene

I am so utterly overwhelmed with love this morning. Love of friends and family. With me being ill things have been quite tough for our family, but I do try hard to remember that the Universe does have our back.

This morning my thoughts kept returning to words I’d written in the past, during NaNoWriMo last year. They are going to be in my book once published as well. In times of need it is incredibly hard to ask those we love for help. By nature I am a very independent woman and I pride myself in doing things on my own. During this time it’s become clear that I do need help to make it through this. Daily my head is in more pain and daily I feel fainter and more dizzy. I can feel the changes and with that I lose sleep as I lay in bed worrying.

A friend of mine said something really wise to me the other day “We should never wish to live a life without obstacles, rather we should hope that we can face and overcome them with grace and integrity”

This experience of being ill and not really knowing WHY or WHAT, has caused me to rely on others and has taught me that we’re not meant to be in pain alone. We have those who love us deeply for guidance and support. It’s been painful, on not only a physical level but also an emotional one to have my independence pulled out right under my feet. I pride myself in doing things and getting things done, so the last thing I ever wanted to do was ask for help.

I’m not an expert on this topic (if such an expert exists!) so the only thing I can do is share with you my own experience. It’s hard to get our minds to start trusting. But the Universe will only give you as much as you can handle. Sometimes it may seem like too much but believe me She’s got this! She’s got your back! And if you ever doubt her, drop to your knees and surrender all in Prayer. All of it will become clear, ask for help if you need it. the help may come in different forms, sometimes it may be a call from a friend, other times it may be a book that randomly falls into your hands, then there is times where it simply could be a letter in the mail or a post even that you see on Facebook. But I promise, if you ask for help, it will show up. you just have to be observant and accept the help as it comes to guide you.

Whenever we feel like we’re stuck in life it’s because we let our Ego come forward and forgot to live in Love. She’s sneaky, remember?! So whenever you feel stuck, remember there is a way to get unstuck when you call on Love. Just ask yourself this ” Where is the Love” whenever you’re feeling in a rut or life has thrown too many curveballs. ! Search your mind for all loving outcomes, thoughts, and circumstances. Make a mental list or whip our your journal and jot it down. Accept and commit to your new perception.

I’ve been reminded numerous times now during this time that there are two parts to service: giving and receiving. That means somebody has to be on the receiving end. Somebody has to ask for help. Somebody has to say, “I can’t do this alone.”

I dream of a world where we all ask for help when we need it.

A world where we understand it’s weakness not strength that binds us. A world where we see true strength and humility is about knowing when to ask for help. A world where we understand we were never meant to suffer through pain on our own.

My sweet friend started a GoFundMe page for my family, if you’d like to read more about my story and maybe share and send lots of good energies I would greatly appreciate it!
Thank you for all your love

Beatrice (Pixie) xo

Here is the Link – Financial Pains due to Illness


When life gives you lemons

We truly always ought to trust that the Universe has our back. Have faith in the fact that we’re NEVER EVER handed more than we can handle. Even when situations seem hopeless, there’s a light. Receiving small signs (or big ones) is often a way that we’re shown.

I was frustrated this last week. I had the hardest time hanging on to my faith. But I did it. I trusted and I knew that if I just kept hanging on and believing that things would get better.
I received a few very precious gifts this weekend, they were signs from the Universe though also, I knew when I received them, that things would be ok. One tiny baby step at a time.

No, I am not allowed to work outside the house right now. No, I may not run around and be my busy normal self, that literally LOVES to run and do busy things (I bartended for a living before I had to come home) BUT I am able to be here at home, focusing as best as I can on myself & taking that breather that my body is screaming, so desperately for in all this turmoil.

The Universe tends to show us in many forms that things are ok. That WE ARE OK, even when life seems completely out of whack and overwhelming. Remember that ultimately the universe is always giving you love. If you’re not ready to receive, you won’t. Be honest with yourself and about the questions you have in life. Are you willing to change? Cultivate a true desire to hear from the universe. Be willing to accept the answers no matter how or through whom they come. Sometimes it’s a simple text from a dear friend or family member, checking in on you or simply to say that they love you. Sometimes it’s simply KNOWING that you have to believe in the ability to work through these things with the help of the Universe (or any God of your understanding). Sometimes the signs are books dropping into your lap or a quote that pops up on Facebook.

Recognizing and receiving help through signs depends on willingness, earnest seeking, and just plain listening. The universe is always here to help us, so let it help, and pay attention to what it is telling you.


Pixie xo


Adult Coloring books

7_reasons_why_adults_low_versionI love art. I love drawing and creating things out of mere supplies. It makes my heart sing and makes me peaceful. Also… it’s always reigned in my anxiety. Who would’ve thought that my love for coloring would eventually become a thing?! In and around 2013 a whole wide range of adult coloring books started coming to the surface. The reason for that is that as it had already proven on a personal level. Coloring is healing. Ha! Who would’ve thought?!?!?!

Adult coloring books are great for your mental, emotional and also intellectual health.  Did you have any idea that the “prescription” of adult coloring stems all the way back to the late and great psychologist Carl Jung? Well it did. He was always ahead of his time. Jung used it thinking it would help his patient’s access their subconscious and new self-knowledge. We now know that many psychologists suggest this to patients as an alternative to meditation, as a means of relaxation, and as a calming tool. It can help the individual focus on the act of coloring intricate pictures for hours on end, vs. focusing on intrusive and troubling thoughts. An activity that can invoke the easier and happier times of childhood. A time when we did not have as many responsibilities, and could just do something because we wanted too, for the pure joy of it. To be able to tap into this time and these emotions is very cathartic and enjoyable. It can take you out of your present stresses and worries for even a few hours at a time, which can have an exceptionally recuperative effect.

pattern_play_coloring_book_065A great thing about coloring is that, unlike some hobbies, it’s easy to get into. You can do it anywhere and all you need is a design and some colored pencils. I have a couple of coloring books personally, one small one that fits easily into my purse (thanks to a great friend of mine) and a bigger one with more intricate designs that I keep by my desk.

If, at the end of the day, you really feel the need to relax and get away from it all-simply bring out your crayons and coloring book or download some coloring pages. This will surely help you get out and away from it all and help you relax and unwind. I’m grateful there’s now studies to prove that art does indeed have health benefits and am happy to see that these studies are increasingly helping people simmer down and reign in their anxieties, just like they have for me!


Happy coloring – With love,

Pixie xo




Finding that Inner Strength

20e1c06e840e1df8ff2c993fe44ad6abWe’ve had a tougher go of it these last few months. With my health being wonky and not knowing what’s going on and all it’s been one uncertainty after another. But something I have learned in the last few months is, that our loved ones ARE there to support us and help us. And if I am having a bad day, I can message and whine to them and they’ll tolerantly and most lovingly listen and let me lean on them. (Thank you to those amazing souls in my life that keep holding me when I need the hand!!! I love you!)

I’ve found strength in myself I didn’t know I possessed through this process. I’ve learned that our human bodies are quite fragile and that pushing them through overworking and always doing will eventually somehow catch up with us. As yet, I don’t know what my health issues exactly are, I do know that when I sit still (in meditation or other quiet activities) I feel relatively okay.

So today, for today, let’s focus on one thing at a time, let’s learn how to lean on that inner strength in times of trouble, because as we know, those storm clouds do gather in our lives, and life isn’t always sunshine. It is though our job to learn how to dance when it pours and how to embrace all seasons and all the weathers of life! There will be days when it doesn’t feel like you’re ever going to be strong enough to weather these storms, but I promise you, as I’m in the midst of my own storms that we’re never given more in life than we can handle, even when we have to dig deep into our most inner selves to find this strength. Every hour of every day, people are pushed to question if they’ll ever feel normal again. This and wanting to help people with this is why I hold on to being an Empath and not let the world make me hard but also this is why I share my personal self with you, that even though I’m a very spiritual, loving person, one who always sees the silver lining, I too have terrible tough days. Here are some things though that have helped me through those tough days.

When you’re having a hard time, remind yourself of all the days before that you’ve survived. Your survival record is 100% for crazy hard days! Congratulations on that!!! You’re doing amazing!!!!! Practice seeing yourself rise above the pain, looking back and peering forward at the values, experiences and goals of your whole life. Remind yourself that you are bigger than this, and that you will get back to you again. You can always rely on your support system, those closest to you. Even when they live further away, with technology being amazing, you can message them and ask for some encouragement. I promise, even when you feel like you’re intruding, they will help you stand back up.  Ask them to remind you of your strengths and listen to them. That is why these blessed relationships are in your life, and one day, you might do the same for them.

I’ve also found that when I’m extremely overwhelmed it helps tremendously to just find time for myself. Whether I have a bubble bath, or read for a while or just simply sit in meditation, carving time to ground yourself back to your roots is tremendously helpful in this. Carving out time to do the things you’re really good at is vital right now. It will help you remember that you have great talents beyond your personal crisis. That there is great positive things in your life. For myself, I’ve picked up drawing and crocheting again during this time alongside my writing and music. I haven’t been able to sing as it is too much for my head to handle but that doesn’t stop me from humming or quietly singing along.

And finally, lean on your inner guide. They are your strongest supporter and they will always be there to help ground and guide you. Ask for spiritual guidance, comfort and grounding in your journey. Stay open to receiving divine gifts in the most wonderful, surprising ways, and believe that you deserve them when they show up. Meditate. Pray. Be mindful. Trust that you are going to move past this thing and that the universe wants that for you as well.

Lots of Love,

Pixie xo


The day after the U.S. Election

I am going to refuse to write anything about the election. There is much to be considered and each person has their own opinions. Just remember to love a little more, pray and meditate a little more, and be kind and mindful in all your daily adventures.

My goal today is to write for my Novel Manuscript and also I’ve got to whip up some crochet dice bags for friends of mine that play DnD and kindly asked if I could make some. Browsing patterns online for these I thought I’d share them with you.

This is a beautiful pattern for a Dragon Scale Dice Bag by Alyssa Lou blogger-image-49444706

Really she did a most stunning job on this little bag and it’s precisely what I was imagining for these boys.

mindfulnessCrocheting, drawing and writing has meditative effects for me. They are calming, and soothing to me. I simply focus on those activities at the time and allow my mind to be still except for the tasks at hand.

Meditation doesn’t have to mean you just sit and do nothing. Controlling your breath, calming your body and soul can be done during regular day to day activities as well. Being mindful throughout your days will bring you into the present moment. I have made most of my daily activities into ways to be mindful. Simply living in the now for a period greatly reduces anxiety and “what if’s” that will most likely never happen.

For the next few days, simply start by being mindful during your daily activities.

  1. 1.
    the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
    “their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition”
  2. 2.
    a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

When sitting at your desk, if you notice you’re slouching, sit up straight, relax your face, neck and shoulder muscles and simply take 5 deep breaths.

Cooking offers a variety of ways to be mindful. You can hone your attention in on your own movements, the sounds in the kitchen, the taste of the food you are preparing, or the aromas of the different spices as they cook.

Using your phone alarm throughout the day at random intervals can help remind you to bring your focus back to breath. We get so caught up with our daily lives that breathing often becomes something we hardly focus on. Taking a minute when your alarm chirps to simply do a few deep breaths is a great way to be mindful of your current surroundings.

As you start seeing utilizing more techniques on mindfulness (I consider them active meditations as you still are just keeping your mind clear and only in the now.), you’ll feel more focused, you’ll breathe easier and you can move on to longer focused meditation sessions.




Thoughts on Journals

Yesterday I suggested you do a list of all the things that make you happy! Did you do it? How did you feel?

Lists bring me simply, unapologetic joy. Especially happiness lists. Journaling and writing about my days and feelings is all great but making lists of all the blessings in my life and all the things that make me happy truly is a much lovelier way to end my days.

I believe in keeping some form of written record of my life that I can look back on and remember those small moments that made my heart sing, that normally would’ve been forgotten. Or leaving a legacy, something to share my life with my girls and others who care to read them once I’m gone. Hopefully down the road someone can benefit from some of the things I said within those pages.

Anyways journaling does bring a certain peace of mind. Knowing you can brain dump your mind in a safe, unhindered place, where no one will judge you. Journal writing provides mental clarity and allows you to have a better connection with your values, emotions, and goals. By journal writing about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you better understand your relationships to those things. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel. You become better at being able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes a journal such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person. How can journaling be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?