The headache that won’t go away

I woke up with a headache just over a year ago. Then came the dizziness in March last year and neither has gone away since.  Most mornings I convince myself that the pain is minimal enough to just be happily on my way and other days I am on pain medication all day, cursing and being all around more negative than is normal for me.  Each day is like a balancing act, consistently feeling like the ground is tilting away from me, and that’s a good day.

 I usually have 10-18 hour stints ,several times a week, where the pain is almost unbearable and the dizziness is severely nauseating but with patience and lots of love from those amazing people in my life I’m making it day to day.

I’ve been told numerous times now that “I’m too young”. I didn’t choose this at age 29.  Nor would I ever wish any vestibular disability on anyone. The feeling of never being in control of what your body is doing is frightening. The fear of falling incredibly real. I used to be a person who loved thrills of roller coasters and the scarier and crazier the fair rides the better. Now just thinking of stepping on one and inducing the feelings I have daily basis make me sick.

Each day I wake and make a very conscious decision that today will be a good day. That I will smile, work through the pain and then move forward one tiny baby step at a time. Life isn’t as it was a short 6 months ago even but this is how things will be so my goals have shifted and changed some. Things I didn’t think I’d ever consider doing with my life have become very real visions that I’m now working towards. This last year I had to relearn how to balance myself and how to stay upright when everything is tilting away. I had to learn to ask for help when I don’t want it but need it and I had to learn patience. Mainly with myself. Learning that it’s OK to reach out sky stabilize myself on those around me, emotionally and physically, has been a huge part in my new lesson plan. But I’m getting there. Slowly.

The universe always provides for our every want and need. Just sometimes the way there is different than we could have ever imagined. In these times we need patience & faith in Love.

Keep moving forward, no matter how troublesome life may be & remember even the biggest storms have sunshine in the end.

Love,  Pixie. 

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