When we face life changes it sure seems that we start seeing things with clearer perspective.
When I left work due to illness in October, I started having a lot of time for soul searching, and I did just that. In time i came to despise every situation that did not make me truly happy and in turn removed myself from those situations. Having so many new things to focus on in my life, including my health having been not so dandy, has made me very selfish for my own peace and happiness but mostly healing. I needed to heal. On an emotional and physical level.
I deserve happiness and peace. And when I realized that it was truly within me and not up to anyone but me to make myself happy, a weight lifted. It was almost instant. There was nothing that brought it on other than maybe time and circumstance. I don’t have to like everyone and I don’t have to make everyone happy. And in turn what other people think of me is not any of my business nor is it worth loosing sleep over.
It has taken so much time for me to realize that I’m important too, that it took illness to understand that i do not need to be available to everyone at their beck and call. Having to force myself to take care of myself first, so that I can effectively take care of those around me has been an important lesson that has finally sank in. When too much is asked of me, I can simply no longer comply. I don’t have the physical or emotional energy to be as patient as a once was. My health has taught me to love, accept but also let go. It was another huge lesson I’d had to learn. I can’t do it all any longer nor do I aim to.
Years of studying spiritual studies and guidance caught up to me in one quick and almost overwhelming instance. It took time to digest, understand and then return to my roots. This is me. Unapologetically loving and sometimes a little too motherly but I am a recovering people pleaser. Also, I’ll always have this disability but with time I’ve been learning how to live and thrive with it