Happy New Year’s Eve

Good morning and Happy Saturday December 31st

Today marks the last day of 2016. Are you ready for 2017? I have seen a lot of negative talk about how bad 2016 was and I myself at points felt the same. Despite that though, despite my health being crummy most of this year and with that having financial difficulties I have pushed myself to grow and see these difficulties as Teachers and Lessons. , to know We can always choose to be negative and feel down and depressed but we can also chose the exact opposite, the positive and possibilities of the unknown. My illness has taught me an amazing amount of compassion for myself and also patience. Most of all it has taught me to trust in the kindness  of strangers, in this case that being the Doctors and all those amazing people that have supported us with love, prayers and donations. I am forever grateful for the love that has been shown to us.

We can always see the negatives in life’s terrible times. This morning I read an article about the Dharmapala. The Dharmapala is a type of wrathful god in Buddhism. The name means “Dharma protector or defender” in Sanskrit.

I learned that according to myth, the Dharmapalas are angry creatures that would run into the Dharma—the principle of peace and mindfulness—and then all of their anger and misery would be transformed into the fierce protection of kindness.

They look pretty angry, and you can actually buy one and hang it on your wall for protection. They look like the kind of warrior that will definitely kick your a**. .

Basically, they serve as reminders for becoming present. If we are not present, bad things will happen. This is why accidents happen. This is why we fall into a spiral of “bad luck”—and it won’t really stop until we learn to stop and just breathe.

This illness (which I still don’t have answers to) has caused me to fight with myself daily, to ensure I see Love and remain trusting to the Universe for having my back. Of course, I’m not a saint, so there is days where I drop the ball. There is times where I don’t care to be happy and just want to wallow in self-pity for some time. Truth is though, what good does self-pity do me, when none of that hatred will serve me for my higher good? Those are the days when I pull out my journal and I vent out my anger at this illness and after writing line after line, and page after page, my thoughts turn back to the present and to  Love on their own it seems. I’ll have run out of steam and finally pull myself back together to believe that this will be over and sorted soon enough and that the Universe does have my back.

Being present and mindful is easier said than done most days, but with practice and just constant reminders to focus on the current moment, the feel of your skin, the water rushing through your hair, the sound of the fridge door slamming, the noise of the animals around you, the sounds of your home…. with practice you will be able to pull yourself back to being present and simply to your breath, allowing yourself to relax into the moment with love and compassion for yourself.


Lots of love ,



If you have not had a chance to read my story you can do so here on our GoFundMe page. All your thoughts and prayers are so greatly appreciated and if you could share my page on your social Media that would be amazing


Love & Support

“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~Lori Deschene

I am so utterly overwhelmed with love this morning. Love of friends and family. With me being ill things have been quite tough for our family, but I do try hard to remember that the Universe does have our back.

This morning my thoughts kept returning to words I’d written in the past, during NaNoWriMo last year. They are going to be in my book once published as well. In times of need it is incredibly hard to ask those we love for help. By nature I am a very independent woman and I pride myself in doing things on my own. During this time it’s become clear that I do need help to make it through this. Daily my head is in more pain and daily I feel fainter and more dizzy. I can feel the changes and with that I lose sleep as I lay in bed worrying.

A friend of mine said something really wise to me the other day “We should never wish to live a life without obstacles, rather we should hope that we can face and overcome them with grace and integrity”

This experience of being ill and not really knowing WHY or WHAT, has caused me to rely on others and has taught me that we’re not meant to be in pain alone. We have those who love us deeply for guidance and support. It’s been painful, on not only a physical level but also an emotional one to have my independence pulled out right under my feet. I pride myself in doing things and getting things done, so the last thing I ever wanted to do was ask for help.

I’m not an expert on this topic (if such an expert exists!) so the only thing I can do is share with you my own experience. It’s hard to get our minds to start trusting. But the Universe will only give you as much as you can handle. Sometimes it may seem like too much but believe me She’s got this! She’s got your back! And if you ever doubt her, drop to your knees and surrender all in Prayer. All of it will become clear, ask for help if you need it. the help may come in different forms, sometimes it may be a call from a friend, other times it may be a book that randomly falls into your hands, then there is times where it simply could be a letter in the mail or a post even that you see on Facebook. But I promise, if you ask for help, it will show up. you just have to be observant and accept the help as it comes to guide you.

Whenever we feel like we’re stuck in life it’s because we let our Ego come forward and forgot to live in Love. She’s sneaky, remember?! So whenever you feel stuck, remember there is a way to get unstuck when you call on Love. Just ask yourself this ” Where is the Love” whenever you’re feeling in a rut or life has thrown too many curveballs. ! Search your mind for all loving outcomes, thoughts, and circumstances. Make a mental list or whip our your journal and jot it down. Accept and commit to your new perception.

I’ve been reminded numerous times now during this time that there are two parts to service: giving and receiving. That means somebody has to be on the receiving end. Somebody has to ask for help. Somebody has to say, “I can’t do this alone.”

I dream of a world where we all ask for help when we need it.

A world where we understand it’s weakness not strength that binds us. A world where we see true strength and humility is about knowing when to ask for help. A world where we understand we were never meant to suffer through pain on our own.

My sweet friend started a GoFundMe page for my family, if you’d like to read more about my story and maybe share and send lots of good energies I would greatly appreciate it!
Thank you for all your love

Beatrice (Pixie) xo

Here is the Link – Financial Pains due to Illness


When life gives you lemons

We truly always ought to trust that the Universe has our back. Have faith in the fact that we’re NEVER EVER handed more than we can handle. Even when situations seem hopeless, there’s a light. Receiving small signs (or big ones) is often a way that we’re shown.

I was frustrated this last week. I had the hardest time hanging on to my faith. But I did it. I trusted and I knew that if I just kept hanging on and believing that things would get better.
I received a few very precious gifts this weekend, they were signs from the Universe though also, I knew when I received them, that things would be ok. One tiny baby step at a time.

No, I am not allowed to work outside the house right now. No, I may not run around and be my busy normal self, that literally LOVES to run and do busy things (I bartended for a living before I had to come home) BUT I am able to be here at home, focusing as best as I can on myself & taking that breather that my body is screaming, so desperately for in all this turmoil.

The Universe tends to show us in many forms that things are ok. That WE ARE OK, even when life seems completely out of whack and overwhelming. Remember that ultimately the universe is always giving you love. If you’re not ready to receive, you won’t. Be honest with yourself and about the questions you have in life. Are you willing to change? Cultivate a true desire to hear from the universe. Be willing to accept the answers no matter how or through whom they come. Sometimes it’s a simple text from a dear friend or family member, checking in on you or simply to say that they love you. Sometimes it’s simply KNOWING that you have to believe in the ability to work through these things with the help of the Universe (or any God of your understanding). Sometimes the signs are books dropping into your lap or a quote that pops up on Facebook.

Recognizing and receiving help through signs depends on willingness, earnest seeking, and just plain listening. The universe is always here to help us, so let it help, and pay attention to what it is telling you.


Pixie xo